


Revenge (the Hat of Horror Remix)

by wyvern



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bachelor Auction, Established Relationship, M/M, Magic, Mildly Dubious Consent, Stripping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-06-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:08:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24352615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wyvern/pseuds/wyvern
Summary: Morgana arranges a bachelor auction, and Merlin gets assigned the worst attire. But had Arthur anything to do with it?
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 18
Kudos: 93
Collections: Camelot Remix 2020





	Revenge (the Hat of Horror Remix)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [keeperofstories](https://archiveofourown.org/users/keeperofstories/gifts).
  * Inspired by [The Art of Revenge](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20374933) by [keeperofstories](https://archiveofourown.org/users/keeperofstories/pseuds/keeperofstories). 



> Thank you, keeperofstories, for letting me remix one of your beautiful fics, and to T, who once again has whipped my grammar and odd phrasing into better shape, and for being the kindest person possible while doing it.
> 
> Mildly dubious consent is due to Arthur not being aware nakedness is going to happen.

~*~

“Arthur…” Merlin looks up from the newly opened parcel, eyes wide. “This is a joke. Please tell me she’s taking the piss.”

It’s seemingly impossible for Arthur to not grin when Merlin’s holding up his outfit. Merlin can tell he’s trying to rein it in, but he’s not succeeding.

“You have to, Merlin, or face the wrath of Morgana. And you agreed to do this with me. Look, I have to wear a ridiculous outfit, too!”

~*~

“Are you ready, lovely lads?”

Morgana is backstage, speed-walking in front of the line of handsome men, holding a clipboard and chewing gum way too intensely. The ‘lovely lads’ are eight men who have volunteered (Gwaine) slash ‘been convinced’ (Elyan) to do this bachelor auction for charity. Merlin counts himself into the latter category, too, because no one told him they would have to wear some sort of fancy dress when going onstage, but apparently it’s a thing, and here he is.

He will kill Morgana. ‘Hosen’, right. ‘Worn by most men back then’, _right_. Shaking his left leg a little, he tries to unseat the skinny tights from in-between his buttocks. It doesn’t work, but he doesn’t want to reach in there and pull them out either (his mum taught him some manners, after all). Instead, he checks that no one’s close enough to see how his eyes turn golden, and then lets his magic solve the problem for him. _Thank fuck for that. Why would anyone wear this shit voluntarily?_

Clearly getting the short end of the stick when it comes to outfit, he can’t decide if he thinks Arthur was involved in the choice or not. The prick is standing a few feet away talking to Gwaine, who is dressed in a complex black knight costume that honestly wouldn’t protect him much in a fight, looking exactly as hot as you’d think. 

Arthur isn’t much worse off, to be fair. Morgana has gone with the ‘Arthurian legend’ theme, and while Arthur is wearing (fake) armour and a crown, and has a (plastic) sword to impress the audience with, Merlin is wearing the aforementioned tights, and some sort of bright red tunic that doesn’t quite cover his bum—and a ridiculous, feathered hat! 

They shouldn’t really be here, but you can’t say no to Morgana. She doesn’t even know that neither Arthur nor Merlin are bachelors anymore. They hooked up a couple of months back after a drunken night out, and they haven’t looked back since. Except maybe Merlin had wished he’d never met Arthur just a tiny bit when Arthur had broken down in uncontrollable fits of laughter when Merlin had been persuaded to try the hat on back in his flat.

When Arthur eventually had stopped laughing after having seen Merlin’s outfit, he’d been nice enough to call Morgana to ask what even Merlin was supposed to be, and she’d said that it’s a servant’s outfit. “It’s historically accurate!” she’d said in a scandalized voice when both Arthur and Merlin protested. The more Merlin thinks about it, the more he’s convinced she and Arthur are in this together, actually.

“You all right, Merlin?” Morgana aborts her frantic pacing for a moment and squeezes herself in between him and Percival. “You look a bit… constipated.”

He forces a smile. “I’m fine, Morgs. Just… nervous, I guess?”

“Oh,” Morgana says. “Don’t worry! You look great, and you’ll see you’ll fetch a fortune. People love men like you, too, not just these beefcakes.”

She bumps Percival lightly with her elbow and winks at him before setting off again.

“I—”

He hadn’t even thought about that. _Jesus, why had he said yes to this?_

“All right, we’re on! Quiet down, lads - Leon, you’re up first!”

Leon looks as nervous as Merlin feels in his rather skimpy princess costume—he was the only one who had the guts to go for it—and Merlin shoots him a quick smile to show his support as Leon pulls the curtain open and steps onto the stage to roaring applause and catcalls. The thought of soon having to go out there himself makes Merlin’s stomach turn into knots.

It doesn’t take much of Morgana’s morally dubious man-peddling over the venue’s sound system before some lucky person has bought themselves a date with Leon the Princess. A minute later, Leon can escape backstage, and Elyan the Blacksmith is sent out in his stead.

Gwaine huffs out a laugh and Merlin looks over at them. Arthur is wearing his best shit-eating grin and winks suggestively at him. In that moment, Merlin _knows_ Arthur isn’t innocent in this whole outfit debacle.

Blushing with both anger and embarrassment, Merlin tries to pull the tunic down further over his midsection when he suddenly realises how he’ll get Arthur back.

~*~

Merlin watches from behind the curtain when Arthur steps onto the stage wearing the fake chainmail, a golden crown on his head, and plastic sword in his hand. He flexes his muscles to an older lady on the first row, and she looks like she is going to faint with excitement.

“Where should we begin, ladies and gentlemen? Should we say… 500 pounds to start? Surely a date with a king is worth that!” Morgana says.

A man wolf-whistles and Arthur throws a kiss into the audience. Chuckling, Merlin closes his eyes and concentrates. When he opens them again, Arthur is no longer alone on stage. Next to him is an exact copy of Merlin as he’s dressed right now, and Arthur jerks with surprise as he appears, but quickly collects himself and resumes performing for the audience.

It’s not until the onstage Merlin unlaces the tunic and shows some skin that Arthur starts looking truly uncomfortable. He tries to keep going, tries to sexily undulate his hips to hike the price up for the auction, but he can’t take his eyes off the onstage Merlin as he takes his shirt off slowly, sensually, like the real Merlin would if it was only him and Arthur, alone, at home in the bedroom.

When onstage Merlin shimmies out of the tights and throws Arthur a cheeky smile, Arthur wildly looks around at the audience, clearly expecting someone to react but no one pays Merlin any attention at all. They’re all watching the King.

Merlin watches from behind the curtain and wants Arthur to suffer, so he makes onstage Merlin move closer, press his chest against Arthur’s back and hold his shoulders as he slowly rolls his hips against Arthur’s backside.

Arthur stutters in his movements, and his smile grows less easy, but continues to show off in front of the audience. Around him, bids are still coming in from around the room, and Morgana makes everyone feel special enough to keep bidding.

Onstage Merlin leans in and whispers something in Arthur’s ear before backing off a few feet, and then taking his underpants off. When Arthur turns away from the audience to show off his muscular back and perfectly-formed bum—on Morgana’s orders—he’s met by a completely naked Merlin wearing only the ugly servant’s hat. One of Merlin’s hands is running over his chest, playing with the dark hair that Arthur adores, the other holding his hard cock. Fixing Arthur’s gaze with his own, he starts slowly pumping it, and Arthur blushes in the way he only does when he’s really, really hot.

Watching Arthur swallow hard at the sight, Merlin wonders if maybe the punishment is too much after all. At that moment, Arthur tears his eyes away from the naked Merlin and turns back to the audience.

“Sold!” Morgana bangs her auctioneer’s gavel on the podium, “For 4,000 pounds, the lucky lady by the bar has bought herself a date with this royal eye candy!”

Arthur waves to the lady and takes a fancy bow, but there’s something forced about it now, and Merlin closes his eyes again. When he opens them, the onstage Merlin has gone, and Arthur is on his way off the stage. He backs away a few steps and waits.

With a forceful tug on the curtains, Arthur steps down off the runway, and Gwaine steps onstage instead. Looking around, Arthur spots Merlin, immediately grabs his arm and roughly pulls him behind a few crates of equipment and up against a wall. They’re close enough that Merlin can feel the heat radiating off Arthur’s half-naked body.

“What did you do?” Arthur says, breath ghosting over Merlin’s skin.

“Nothing,” Merlin says innocently.

“You—” Arthur swallows. “You were onstage and you—”

Merlin meets his eyes and smiles, and he can almost see Arthur work it out.

“You— You little shit.”

They’re so close together that Arthur has him pinned against the wall, but Merlin doesn’t mind at all. Arthur’s breaths are harsh against his skin, but Merlin loves it. He loves the way he can feel Arthur’s half-hard cock against his body, even through the fake chainmail. He loves feeling Arthur’s heartbeat pounding against his own chest. He loves the way Arthur’s eyes goes from blue to dark when he’s aroused. He loves… everything about Arthur.

“Well, I told you I didn’t like these clothes, didn’t I?

“I’ll—”

There’s a voice calling over the audience roar. It’s Gwen, Morgana’s assistant.

“Merlin! You’re up next!”

Arthur leans in close enough that their noses almost touch. A small shiver of excitement runs through Merlin.

“Have fun, love,” Arthur whispers against his lips, “Don’t worry, I’ll get you back… later.”

~*~  
THE END  
~*~


End file.
